My husband’s step-brother died a week ago yesterday. While a close family member’s death usually
brings grief, this one did not. This man
had managed to alienate most of his family and friends, and in the end, he died
alone.
To be truthful, it was not entirely his fault. Mental illness is insidious. I won’t go into my tirade of how the mentally
ill really need to seek treatment and follow their doctors’ orders; I’ll only
say that he did not. And when he died,
he left his estranged children with the task of setting his affairs in order
and arranging for cremation.
So – how do you hold a memorial service for someone that
nobody was even going to miss? His
siblings and children asked us to host an open house in his honor. The event that actually transpired was a
celebration of family.
The open house was pretty much the same as a luncheon
following a funeral service – only without the funeral. Or, since we live in Utah, without the
funeral potatoes. We had fresh flowers
on the tables and a display of photos of the deceased, but the photos all had
family members as well.
We had not seen some of the family members who attended in
over 20 years. Some I did not
recognize. Little children had grown up
and brought children of their own. Some
were in poor health. Some of this man’s
family had also not seen one another in over 20 years. There were tear-filled hugs and past-due
reconciliations.
We reminisced about the good times we’d had together. Conversations revolved around the
family. We caught up with one another’s
lives. I uttered the words, “I am sorry
for your loss,” only once – to the father of the deceased man who has now felt
the tragedy of burying three of his sons.
I write this in gratitude for family. I was so honored to be a part of what turned out to be a blessing for the family and friends of this man. And if the occasion ever presents itself again, I will be honored to host a Celebration of Family.
