Emotional Intelligence - Learning to Argue

I don’t remember the exact topic of the discussion, other than it had to do with what I thought we should do about a particular problem with a particular tenant.  I gave my opinion.  My husband raised his voice and told me in no uncertain terms how wrong I was.  I shut up.

   “How come you’re not talking?” 

   “Because every time I say something that disagrees with you, you shove it down my throat,” I blurted with less emotional intelligence than I am capable of.

   “Get a backbone!  I need you to argue with me.”

I wasn't expecting that.  He went on to tell me that by debating the issues we would come to the best conclusion, and that he really did value my opinion.  Arguing, to him, wasn't personal – it was about hashing out options and coming to the best one.

I am really uncomfortable with conflict.  Per my StrenthsFinder profile – Harmony (an opposite of conflict) is my second strongest characteristic.  Glad to know somebody considers it a strength.  In the world of emotional intelligence, however, the use of conflict is a skill I need to learn.  Specifically, I need to learn how to debate with my husband and stay focused on the issues – even when his tone becomes heated, or worse, condescending.  I need to learn that just because a concern is personal to my husband; it isn't a reflection on me.  I need to learn to allow him to be emotional without taking it personally.

Help can be found in the Emotional Intelligence Quick Book.  One of the key premises of emotional intelligence, per authors Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, is that unlike IQ or personality, emotional intelligence can be learned and enhanced.  Here are the key take-aways I gleaned from re-reading Chapter 6 – Building Your Skills.

1.  Lean into the discomfort.  “The biggest obstacle to increased personal competence is the tendency to avoid the discomfort that comes from increasing your self-awareness…Leaning into your discomfort is the only way to change.”

2.  Don’t be afraid to make emotional mistakes.  “They tell you what you should be doing differently…Personal development requires making many mistakes even though it is uncomfortable to recognize them when we make them.”

3.  Manage your own emotional tendencies.  Learn to recognize your own emotions in uncomfortable situations and deal with them constructively.  When all else fails – take a deep breath, slow down, and think for a moment.

Practice makes perfect, and in this imperfect world it looks like I’ll have many opportunities to practice.

Chi Running Update - My First Half-Marathon

I trained all summer for the Mesa Falls Half-marathon.  During my training I concentrated on the Chi Running focuses that I thought would best help me through my first half-marathon in over 30 years.

1.  The mid-foot strike and the wheel in the back that keeps on turning (thanks to Journey for the song that I use to remind myself if I find myself getting sloppy.)  Why?  I have a defective right foot – more precisely, a hyper-mobile first ray.  This technique, combined with arch supports, has brought me from seven to 13.1 miles without pain.  Even with arch supports, I find that foot pain is a sure sign that my shoes are wearing out. 

2.  The lean.  I lived all summer in the caldera of an extinct volcano, so every run started out uphill.  It’s really true even if it seems counter-intuitive – leaning into the hill is more efficient.  And that goes for downhill runs as well.

3.  Swinging my arms to the back.  It really does help balance #1 and #2.

When I first started my Chi Running practice, I fought the concept of “technique first, then distance, then speed.”  I was completely wrong.  After practicing the technique, I gained distance without injury.  13.1 miles, to be precise.  I finished the half-marathon in 2 hours, 5 minutes and 39 seconds, for an average pace of 9.36.  It wasn't enough to take first place in my age division, but it was enough to take second.  So now that it’s time to work on speed, I know the time I have to beat.

And speaking of speed – I checked in with my cadence a few days ago and found I've slipped a few beats.  I’m down from 88 bpm to 84 bpm.  Yikes!  I thought I had cadence down pat and didn't practice it all summer long.  My bad.  The good news – if I gradually increase my cadence I should be able to pick up some speed in the higher gears.

A few weeks ago, Danny Dreyer posted a tip on Facebook about walking backward.   He shared that walking backward will put your body into the proper C shape and put your core muscles in the right place.  I tried it for the first time on September 24, and all I can say is “Wow.”  I've been making this SO much harder than it actually is.  I've now added a short backward walk before I start running – just to get the feel for where my core muscles should be. 

And the practice continues….

Farewell to Warm River

We left Warm River Campground on Sunday, September 29 – a day ahead of schedule.   Our final week in camp was cold, rainy, and almost deserted.  During breaks in the weather we were able to take all the signs down, clean and lock up the restrooms, and inventory and store the supplies. We even went to a Laundromat to wash our uniforms before we turned them in.  We hadn't visited a coin-op laundry since before we were married!  They take a lot more quarters than they used to, but other than that, they are pretty much the same.

Our summer of 2013 was a classic case of “Be careful what you ask for.  You may get it.”  When we applied with AuDi Campground Services, we stated that we wanted a busy campground.  Wow – did we ever get a busy campground!  Actually, if all we were running was a campground, it would have been perfect.  But we also had the group area and lots and lots of day users.  For most of the summer we were hopping all day long. 

When we signed up it seemed like it would be great to be out for five months.  We've learned that five months is a very long time to be away from home – even when home away from home is so beautiful.

That said, there was far and away more good than bad about this summer’s camp hosting experience.  For next year we’re shooting for something in between – not quite as quiet as Hoop Lake – but not quite as busy as Warm River.  We’ll also be looking a little closer to home.  As much fun as we had touring Eastern Idaho, Yellowstone Park, and Western Wyoming on our days off, we really didn't have enough time at home – which made coming home harder work than being in camp. 

The trailer has been cleaned out, winterized, and hauled off to storage.  Time to start looking for next summer’s adventure!

Fly Fishing

One of my favorite childhood memories is fishing with my parents and my brothers at Hoop Lake.  Dad had a six-man inflatable raft – bright orange – and a small electric motor.  We’d all pile into the raft and tour around the lake dragging flies from our fishing poles.  We’d even catch an occasional fish.  I think I was 30 before I realized that this was NOT fly fishing.

Fast forward to 2013 at Warm River.  I saw more waders during the first two weeks in camp than I had seen in my entire life.   I think kids here get their first pair of waders at about age 3.  And the Warm River is a perfect spot for both beginning and expert fly fishing.

Per Wikipedia, “Fly fishing is an angling method in which an artificial ‘fly’ is used to catch fish. The fly is cast using a fly rod, reel, and specialized weighted line. Casting a nearly weightless fly or "lure" requires casting techniques significantly different from other forms of casting.”  The cast has an elegant whip-curl to it.  The experts make it look effortless.

We had a number of fly fishermen – or I guess I should say fisher-people, as several women also waded our rivers with their rods in hand – in May.  As the weather got warmer and the river overtaken by kids on float tubes, the fishermen came early, walked further upstream, and most often – went someplace else.  But now that the kids are gone, the fishermen are back.

Many of our fishermen are local, but an equal number come from all over the world.  I’ve met fly fishermen from France, Scotland, England, and the Netherlands – and these were just the ones I actually got a chance to chat with.  Who knows where else they came from?

There are several fly fishing outfitters in Ashton and Island Park.  The Three Rivers Ranch, which is just around the corner from us, is a fly fisherman’s paradise.  They provide rooms, all meals (prepared by gourmet chef Karen), fishing equipment, guides and transportation.  I didn’t ask what it costs, but it sounds like an elegant way to learn to fly fish.  The head guide, Doug, plans to take a group of cancer patients fly fishing in October.   The owner of Three Rivers Ranch is the great-granddaughter of Fred and Berta Lewies, founders of the Town of Warm River.

I’m kind of sad that I didn't learn to fly fish here at Warm River.

Fall in Warm River

The days are shorter, the temperature is cooling, and the leaves are beginning to turn.  Yes, it’s fall in Warm River.  It looks like we have two colors – the yellow of the aspens and the willows and the browns of the service berry bushes.  Maybe next year we’ll be someplace where leaves turn red.

Our days are much quieter.  It’s like someone turned the tap off.  The hectic days of customers in and out, the Sunday shuffles, the parking mania – all gone in favor of a quiet campground with one or two trailers coming in along with the occasional tent camper.  The joke in Yellowstone is that the changing of colors in the fall has nothing to do with the leaves and everything to do with the hair color of the visitors.  In fall it changes from whatever to grey.  That seems to be working here as well.

The customers who have come in September have had a pleasant surprise.  The wooden bridge, which was

supposed to be torn down this fall, will remain for another year due to budget constraints.  So after dutifully closing the upper loop after Labor Day, we reopened it on Wednesday, 9/4. 

We've had quite a few bear sightings in the area, which makes sense.  During August and September the bear prime imperative is to EAT.  Eat.  Eat.  Eat in preparation for hibernation.  The smell of our food is just way too tempting.  A full grown grizzly was shooed out of the Buffalo Campground in Island Park just a few weeks ago.  We still haven’t had a bear in our campground, but a couple camping with us spotted and photographed a grizzly across the river about a mile up the Railroad Grade trail last week.  Several others have reported bear scat on the trail.  Sigh - my trail running days are over – for now.

We’ll be here in Warm River until September 30.  Then it will be time to start looking for next year’s adventure.

Full Time RVers

Several of our fellow campground hosts, including our Warm River maintenance couple, are full time RVers.  They have sold their homes and most of their belongings in favor of traveling across the country in their respective motor homes, trailers, and fifth-wheels. 

All of our full-time RVing coworkers travel to places they are interested in spending time in, and find jobs that, at best, offer a free place to park, free utilities, and a salary.  Campground hosting is ideal for full-time RVers, but there are other opportunities as well, often in the resort areas they want to visit.  Paying jobs are rare in the winter in warmer climates, such as Arizona, but even in Arizona one can obtain a free parking spot with utilities in exchange for a minimal number of hours of work.

One of the fulltime couples we’ve met winters every year in Quartzsite, Arizona – home of the largest 

gathering of RVers in the world.  According to the Arizona highway department, as many as 750,000 to 1,000,000 people, mostly in RV’s, converge on this sleepy little desert town, located just 20 miles east of the California border on Interstate 10.  Quartszite has held an annual Sports, Vacation, and RV Show for the past 40 years.   http://www.quartzsitervshow.com/

There are logistical concerns with full time RVing.  How do they get their mail?  What about prescriptions?  Doctor visits?  No problem.  They find the nearest town, rent a post office box, and have their doctors call their prescriptions in to the local pharmacy or clinic.  All of the couples we’ve met agree that laundry is their biggest problem, but that a weekly trip to the coin-op Laundromat is a small price to pay.

“It’s really quite freeing to realize how little you need to be happy,” one of the women told me. 

When we were planning this adventure, Paul talked about selling everything and living out of our trailer.  I told him, in no uncertain terms, that this would not happen.  Now that we’ve seen the lifestyle in action, he agrees with me that this isn’t a lifestyle we would be interested in.  But I have to admire the people who choose it.  They’re a lot more adventurous than I am.  And that’s OK.

The Best of Warm River

We've met people from all over the world here at Warm River – as well as people from our local community of Ashton and the surrounding “big cities” of Rexburg and Idaho Falls.  Here – in no particular order – are glimpses of the best of what the campground and its campers have brought to us.

Best family reunion t-shirt:  The Dye family.  Every family member, starting with the first child, wears a number indicating the order in which they came into the family.  The eleven children are, of course, numbers 1 – 11.  As spouses were added and grandchildren born, each got the next number in sequence.  The youngest child at the reunion wore #71.

Best fitness tradition:  The Nielsen Family 5K.  They start at Bear Gulch and run down the Railroad Grade Trail.  This year’s winner finished in just over 21 minutes.

Best pole dance:  Cheri shimmying down the fee tube to get into position to open it.  Note:  AuDi Campground Services Uniform is required apparel. 

Best crazy tradition:  The ParkView Ward’s Big Chill.  They jump into the river at 10:00 PM and float down to the group site.  Participants get a t-shirt.

Best acronym:  ALPOT – annoying little piece of trash – which we pick up quite frequently. 

Best service call:  Ben, a camper from Shelley, noticed that we had a broken vent cover on our trailer.  A week after his family left the campground, they came back with a new vent cover, and Ben climbed on top of the trailer to replace it.  We paid him for the vent cover but he wouldn't take any money for his labor or his travel. 

Best cobbler:  Also the Dye family, although the cobbler master married a Crockett so we got this cobbler at both the Dye and the Crockett reunions.  The secret ingredient is cream cheese, and while he didn't give me the recipe, I found one online that is similar. 

Cream Cheese Peach Cobbler

Ingredients:

9 Cups chopped Fresh Skinless Georgia Peaches

1 8-oz Package Of Philadelphia Cream Cheese

1 18-oz Package Of Vanilla Cake Mix

1 Cup Water

1 Cup Sugar

1 tsp. Cinnamon

1/2 Cup Unsalted Butter, softened

Preparation Instructions:

Spread peaches in bottom of 12-inch Dutch oven.  In a small mixing bowl, whisk together the sugar and water, stirring until all of the sugar completely dissolves. Evenly pour this mixture over the top of the chopped peaches. Next sprinkle the fresh ground cinnamon over the top of the peaches, then follow that by sprinkling on the vanilla cake mix over it all. Drop small clumps of cream cheese and butter evenly over the top of the cake mix.

Bake with 20 coals on top and 10 on bottom for 35 – 45 minutes.

Most inspiring visitors:  Dirk and Trudy, raising money for charity on the Model T World tour. 

http://www.tfordworldtour.org/

Most inspiring campers:  The cyclists riding the Tour Divide Trail. 

Best daddy-daughter date:  Dave and Emily from Tennessee, riding the Tour Divide Trail together – but in a far more civilized fashion.  After they left our campground they spent three nights in the Jenny Lake Lodge.

Most exotic names:  Bernadina, Leo, Donato, and Agnesa, the children of Lawrence and Evalinda from Northern California.

Best prank:  The Hanson family’s stuffed skunk.  I still laugh over how I fell for that one.

Best crossing guard:  Sarah, who turned three on July 29, helped her grandparents park their trailer by standing in the middle of the road to stop us in our golf cart.  After the trailer was securely parked, she let us pass.  Sarah was also kind enough to invite us to her birthday party – complete with pink cupcakes.

Best coffee date:  A French trio, who patiently put up with my blundering French, invited us to have coffee with them after their picnic.  They showed us photos of their horseback trip to this area – 20 years ago.

Best fly fisherman:  Ghislain, also from France.  I have no clue how good he was at “la peche a la mouche,” but it was delightful speaking French with him.

Best camp host gift:  Come for a visit!!!!  We're here until the end of September.